I love what God is doing in my life these days. Some of what He is doing I am unable to share as of yet, but I will as soon as I am able.
What I can share, I will.
Last October, I put my two weeks notice in at my job. The idea was that it was time for me to work my Primerica business full time. That was MY plan, that was not God’s plan…God seemed to approve this step, but for completely different reasons. God used the next two and a half months to bring me to a place where I completely trust Him to provide for me. The full effects of that time are still in discovery. From the beginning of November to Mid January, I made approximately $200. Certainly not enough to live on. Several things happened to support me during that time, most of which was help from my parents and the emptying of my savings account.
I found that I spent much of that two months dealing with all sorts of garbage from my past – emotional mostly. God was helping me to face anger that I had buried, and to heal from some past scars. He was also teaching me to forgive myself and trust in who He made me to be. I was right that God was tearing down so that He could build me back up. I am quite thankful for that time…though it was not easy going through that time. I am sure I would not have dealt with so much so fast if I had not left Progressive.
By mid January, I decided that it was time for me to go get a job. I needed money pretty quickly so I put some applications in on line, and then I went to a temp agency. My plan was to get into a temp- to hire situation and be on with a company in pretty short order. When I went in, the agency said they had a job they thought would be a good fit. Unfortunately, the job did not start until the end of February. I told them that would be fine, but if any temporary jobs came up I would appreciate the income. I was told in pretty short order that those kind of jobs very rarely come up. I was not worried, I knew I had God on my side.
Within two days, I had a job offer for 1 day, then was asked to report to another job the next day. That job was with a physical therapy clinic as their front office staff member. It was a pretty perfect fit – if you ignore the corporate office! I met two very nice people, Mills and Stacy, and a few that I do not get along with so well. God provided peace and grace with the person I did not get along with.
From the beginning, I was told that the clinic really liked me and wanted to hire me full time. I gave information to have a background check done and prepared to become an employee. There were a few hiccups along the way between the employment agency and the company. These became a major problem. So much was the problem, that I was told my assignment had ended as of Friday May 3rd. At first I was shocked. I was not totally surprised, but to have it done with no warning… Then I found out that Mills did not know either. I had to tell him! I can’t even begin to understand why he was not the one to tell me. He offered to give me any kind of recommendation I might need in the future. He is very appreciative of the work I did for him and the clinic.
Now, it starts all over again. This time, however, I have this amazing sense of peace. The Bible describes that as a peace that passes all understanding. It is right…I don’t understand it, but I certainly feel its presence. God is AMAZING! I am perfectly aware of my responsibilities, but I am not at all worried about them. This last week, God has provided for me in an amazing way.
The week after I left the clinic, I was able to get in about 16 hours of work. I figured this meant that I would get paid round about $100 or so. I know that is not near enough to live on, so I prayed about it. I asked God for food and for gas. I figured the rest of it would work itself out.
On Thursday, I was headed home after work, and I realized that I did not have very much to eat. I was reminded that my friend had told me I could come over any time. When I arrived, she had just finished cooking dinner. She asked me to stay, and I was not about to say no! She then asked if we could hang out later that night. I agreed. She ended up taking me to the grocery store with her. I was not thinking anything of it because this family is on government assistance. They are in the same boat as I. She is on WIC, and told me on the way to the store that there is too much food on the certificate for them to eat in a week. She wanted to give what she did not need to me. SO, I left the grocery store with: 2 ½ gallons of lactose free milk, 2 bunches of bananas, a loaf of bread, a med size jar of peanut butter, 1 dozen eggs, 2 quarts of apple juice, rice, olive oil, garlic, lentils, black beans…almost too much food for ME to eat in a week!
I was thrilled. If I had tried to do it on my own, I would have been eating out of cans the entire week. God provided fresh, good food. Wow!
Friday, I went to a visit a new friend. God had introduced this woman to me at the Women’s conference earlier this month. When I left her house, I did so with $120 in my pocket. I did not ask her for the money. I did not tell her how bad things are right now. She told me she knew that I needed the help, and handed it over to me.
I also got a rebate check in the mail (not the IRS one…) that I have been waiting on for about 2 months. God is always on time!
I have also been learning a lot about my past behavior. God is showing me loud and clear how I was not honoring Him with money. He is teaching me to trust Him with EVERYTHING I have, that includes my paycheck. I am not by any means proud of how I used to behave, but I am glad I get the chance to start over and begin again. I look at this time period as a chance to build on God's foundation, not my own. I am really understanding the man who built his house on sand!
This week should be pretty good. I am getting paid again this week, and my mother is coming to visit on Saturday. I am picking her up at the airport that afternoon. She is in town until Tuesday, and then I am leaving Wednesday night to go to Seattle for almost 2 weeks.
The Seattle trip was planned before I knew that I was going to be struggling financially. As John said yesterday, “sounds like another opportunity to trust God.” I could not agree more. While I am gone I will be loaning my vehicle to a friend who is moving during that time. I don’t mind helping her out…I would hope someone would do that for me if I needed it.
So, I am excited about the upcoming months. God is moving powerfully in me and hopefully through me. I can’t wait to see what He is going to do next!
Monday, May 19, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
A few weekends ago, I went on a women's retreat. It was an amazing time and God showed me some incredible things! The theme of the weekend was Shalom. I am not going to take the time now to explain the depths we dove into on that topic. I will, however explain just a little bit about what God taught me that weekend.
The last session of the weekend, we were using scripture to directly combat specific lies that keep us from shalom. These lies came from our first session. The lies chosen did not resonate with me. I felt God asking me to read the verses that had been chosen to combat the lies. I read through them. Matthew 6:25-31 really stuck out to me. I have read those verses and have heard many sermons about those, but not in the way God wanted to speak to me.
Basically, He told me that the flowers and the grass are beautiful simply because God made them to be that way. If I, who am more cared for than those, are made in God's image, how can I be anything less than beautiful? The simple answer is that I can't be anything but beautiful!
now comes the hard part...getting my head and my heart to believe it. Though that is proving easier than I thought.
Last night I was watching my friend's little boy, Tenyson, for a few minutes while she went around and socialized. Another friend came and joined me. Her little girl, Nadia, was playing with Tenyson. I was laughing with them both and encouraging the interraction between them. Tenyson got my attention (I think he was trying to get my glasses or some such action...) and Nadia said the coolest thing. She tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear, "Miss Christa, you are beautiful!"
How sweet of God to give me such an honest compliment from a child in a time when I was not expecting it! I gave her as big a hug as I could and thanked her very much!
God is awesome!
me
The last session of the weekend, we were using scripture to directly combat specific lies that keep us from shalom. These lies came from our first session. The lies chosen did not resonate with me. I felt God asking me to read the verses that had been chosen to combat the lies. I read through them. Matthew 6:25-31 really stuck out to me. I have read those verses and have heard many sermons about those, but not in the way God wanted to speak to me.
Basically, He told me that the flowers and the grass are beautiful simply because God made them to be that way. If I, who am more cared for than those, are made in God's image, how can I be anything less than beautiful? The simple answer is that I can't be anything but beautiful!
now comes the hard part...getting my head and my heart to believe it. Though that is proving easier than I thought.
Last night I was watching my friend's little boy, Tenyson, for a few minutes while she went around and socialized. Another friend came and joined me. Her little girl, Nadia, was playing with Tenyson. I was laughing with them both and encouraging the interraction between them. Tenyson got my attention (I think he was trying to get my glasses or some such action...) and Nadia said the coolest thing. She tapped me on the shoulder and whispered in my ear, "Miss Christa, you are beautiful!"
How sweet of God to give me such an honest compliment from a child in a time when I was not expecting it! I gave her as big a hug as I could and thanked her very much!
God is awesome!
me
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Holy Cow!
It has been three months since my last entry. It is not that things are even keel, but I guess I fell into the same trap everyone else does. The "I'll do it later..." trap.
So now, I have to catch up a bit.
February was not too notable. I was learning my job at Town and Country. I really enjoyed working with Mills and Stacy. They are great people. I did not like working with K - enough said. I did not do anything with Primerica, though I should have been. \
March - in comes Easter. Ah Easter. This is my second Easter here in Austin. Last year, I went to lunch with people from KidStuff. John Murchison hosted that one at Papacito's. It was GREAT. I had a good time last year. So, when I found out he was hosting another one this year, I decided that I would go. I had tentative plans with a family, but they ended up falling through. This year, John and his parents (and sister) hosted a dinner at the church office. It was potluck, and went very well. In fact, I think it went better than last year. It was easier for us to hear, and I got to meet some people I did not know very well. John's parents are great! I enjoyed meeting them.
At Easter dinner, I met Shaun. He leades a KidStuff small group and after a lengthy conversation, he invited me to join. I had been looking for a new group. The last one I attended kind of fell apart. I have since joined the group and am very much enjoying these new people.
The rest of the month was pretty calm.
April - Usher in the 1 year anniversary of my vision. Things are still in progress, I will post stuff here when I am able to talk about details. If you are reading this, please just keep it in prayer. ASk that I be patient and allow God to work in His timing. I despirately do not want to ruin anything through impatience or rash action.
At the beginning of the month, Adam, Stephen, Travis, Ian, Dave and I got together to start work on the KidStuff CD. The rehearsal pretty much tanked. I am sure that Adam was much more disappointed than I was. I am still in prayer about this, I know that God put that on Adam's heart, and I want very much for it to be a great ministry tool for the families of our church.
May - May has been a bit tumultuous. When I say a bit, I definitely mean more than that. HOwever, through all the craziness, I have peace. I know that God has given that to me, so I am thankful. I know that He is taking care of me and He knows what I need. The difficulty in this is that I am going to Seattle for 2 weeks at the end of this month. That makes it difficult to work the business, and to have any income coming in. Well...we shall see. I know that God provides, and I trust Him to do so this time too.
I have just been given a tip for a place to go check out. I shall add it to my list...
Pedernalis Falls State Park. Evidently it is right down the road. The cool thing is that the Law Firm I am working at right now has protected the ranches around the park so that they will not be developed! Yippee!!!
that is all for now. I really should lighten the data load on this computer!
me.
It has been three months since my last entry. It is not that things are even keel, but I guess I fell into the same trap everyone else does. The "I'll do it later..." trap.
So now, I have to catch up a bit.
February was not too notable. I was learning my job at Town and Country. I really enjoyed working with Mills and Stacy. They are great people. I did not like working with K - enough said. I did not do anything with Primerica, though I should have been. \
March - in comes Easter. Ah Easter. This is my second Easter here in Austin. Last year, I went to lunch with people from KidStuff. John Murchison hosted that one at Papacito's. It was GREAT. I had a good time last year. So, when I found out he was hosting another one this year, I decided that I would go. I had tentative plans with a family, but they ended up falling through. This year, John and his parents (and sister) hosted a dinner at the church office. It was potluck, and went very well. In fact, I think it went better than last year. It was easier for us to hear, and I got to meet some people I did not know very well. John's parents are great! I enjoyed meeting them.
At Easter dinner, I met Shaun. He leades a KidStuff small group and after a lengthy conversation, he invited me to join. I had been looking for a new group. The last one I attended kind of fell apart.
The rest of the month was pretty calm.
April - Usher in the 1 year anniversary of my vision. Things are still in progress, I will post stuff here when I am able to talk about details. If you are reading this, please just keep it in prayer. ASk that I be patient and allow God to work in His timing. I despirately do not want to ruin anything through impatience or rash action.
At the beginning of the month, Adam, Stephen, Travis, Ian, Dave and I got together to start work on the KidStuff CD. The rehearsal pretty much tanked. I am sure that Adam was much more disappointed than I was. I am still in prayer about this, I know that God put that on Adam's heart, and I want very much for it to be a great ministry tool for the families of our church.
May - May has been a bit tumultuous. When I say a bit, I definitely mean more than that. HOwever, through all the craziness, I have peace. I know that God has given that to me, so I am thankful. I know that He is taking care of me and He knows what I need. The difficulty in this is that I am going to Seattle for 2 weeks at the end of this month. That makes it difficult to work the business, and to have any income coming in. Well...we shall see. I know that God provides, and I trust Him to do so this time too.
I have just been given a tip for a place to go check out. I shall add it to my list...
Pedernalis Falls State Park. Evidently it is right down the road. The cool thing is that the Law Firm I am working at right now has protected the ranches around the park so that they will not be developed! Yippee!!!
that is all for now. I really should lighten the data load on this computer!
me.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
January 27, 2008
What a day… My understanding – such that I can have – of God has irrevocably changed. I am not yet sure how to integrate this change into my life, but there seems to be some settling at the deeper levels of me. I shall back up a step or 10. J
For as long as I can remember, my word for life has been “fair.” It is how I view the world. It is how I relate to it, and how I feel about it. I know that the world is not fair, but as much as I can, I attempt to be that way myself. People know me to be that way. Everything I have learned about God up to this point has shown that to me as well. However, I have missed quite a bit. I don’t know if I deliberately skipped over it, or whether I willfully disregarded it because it flew completely in the face of what I think and feel. I am guessing it is a bit of both.
I have never been of the opinion that some people were chosen by God at the beginning of time to be His own people and others were not called and have no hope of ever attaining heaven. I have held a view of free will. Every man has the chance to choose Christ. I have believed that if we do not choose, or neglect to choose, we go where our choice leads us.
Now I am not so sure I was right.
What has not changed:
I know God is Sovereign
I know He created us
I know that God sent his son to earth to pay for Sin and true belief in Christ saves us and allows us entry to God’s presence.
God loves us, he has plans for us.
What has changed:
Per scripture (Rom 8:28, 1 Cor 1:22-24, and others) God gives us the faith to believe in Him.
He chose us from the beginning to be His people – just as He did the Jews in the Abrahamic covenant.
I used to think that if we are not free to choose Him, then we are not much more than trained monkeys or programmed computers. Now, I am not so sure.
My sin condemns me to hell, God’s purity does not allow anything impure into His presence. The fact He reaches down and saves me at all is a miracle. Focus on that will get me through this.
Per Paul (NT) I cannot understand why God does what He does. I have to be like Job and accept that I am inadequate to judge God and decide what is fair. If God were fair, he would leave me where I am ultimately destined.
I am not there yet, and I certainly cannot figure out how to explain this to other people. I know that Brian and Mel as well as almost every other Christian I know will argue with me about this when I open my mouth about it.
On the other hand, this news comes as a bit of a relief. If it is God who has either chosen them or not chosen them, it is up to Him to do the saving. I still have to reach out to them, but it is up to God to breathe His life into their souls. There is also a humility that comes with recognizing that I should be in Hell and to be saved at all is a miracle. It makes putting a fish on the back of my car, or a cross around my neck, or a bracelet on my arm pointless. To do so is like advertising I am part of an exclusive club. It is better for me to learn more about the character of God and allow Him to do the work. There is an immense amount of relief in this understanding.
The big thing that I wrestle with is: Why is hell so awful if we don’t have a choice whether we go there or not? I get it being awful if we have chosen to reject God or were apathetic to Him…but if there is no choice…why? To spend eternity so tormented because God did not choose them. Do people weep and gnash their teeth because they are separate from God and are feeling the full weight of that loss?
I have been talking about this for a few weeks with my friend Deanne. She has believed the above for some time, and asked me why I did not. I told her all my reasons, and knew she was thinking of me during the sermon today. She said something very important to me a few weeks ago. She pointed out that in the Old Testament; God very specifically set the Jews apart from all the other nations. In many cases, he wiped out those other nations. Much of our teaching is that the OT is allegorical for how God continues to work. SO, her point is that if God specifically set apart a group of people as His own before Jesus came, why should it not be the same now. Sacrifice was a foreshadowing of the price paid on the cross.
NOTE: It is mentioned by Jesus that Abraham was saved by his ____________ . I want to look that up to see what the reference is.
Honestly I am leaning towards what Matt has to say. Towards his teaching today that completely sets my world on end.
I know that today I felt God with me more than I have ever during a service. He was giving me chills the entire time. God brought me to the Stone. God brought me to Austin and put in my past a close friend who struggled for years with this same issue.
Those who God will save still need us to reach out to them. Our kindness in the world is still appreciated and needed. The behavior that comes with being a Christian does not change because of HOW I become saved. God is still with me – in fact, it is more of a blessing that He sent His son and cares enough to answer prayer and to help us out in time of need. Blessings become sweeter with this revelation. I did not see how special my salvation was before. I am getting glimpses now. This is enhancing my view of God instead of diminishing it as I had thought it would do.
What a day… My understanding – such that I can have – of God has irrevocably changed. I am not yet sure how to integrate this change into my life, but there seems to be some settling at the deeper levels of me. I shall back up a step or 10. J
For as long as I can remember, my word for life has been “fair.” It is how I view the world. It is how I relate to it, and how I feel about it. I know that the world is not fair, but as much as I can, I attempt to be that way myself. People know me to be that way. Everything I have learned about God up to this point has shown that to me as well. However, I have missed quite a bit. I don’t know if I deliberately skipped over it, or whether I willfully disregarded it because it flew completely in the face of what I think and feel. I am guessing it is a bit of both.
I have never been of the opinion that some people were chosen by God at the beginning of time to be His own people and others were not called and have no hope of ever attaining heaven. I have held a view of free will. Every man has the chance to choose Christ. I have believed that if we do not choose, or neglect to choose, we go where our choice leads us.
Now I am not so sure I was right.
What has not changed:
I know God is Sovereign
I know He created us
I know that God sent his son to earth to pay for Sin and true belief in Christ saves us and allows us entry to God’s presence.
God loves us, he has plans for us.
What has changed:
Per scripture (Rom 8:28, 1 Cor 1:22-24, and others) God gives us the faith to believe in Him.
He chose us from the beginning to be His people – just as He did the Jews in the Abrahamic covenant.
I used to think that if we are not free to choose Him, then we are not much more than trained monkeys or programmed computers. Now, I am not so sure.
My sin condemns me to hell, God’s purity does not allow anything impure into His presence. The fact He reaches down and saves me at all is a miracle. Focus on that will get me through this.
Per Paul (NT) I cannot understand why God does what He does. I have to be like Job and accept that I am inadequate to judge God and decide what is fair. If God were fair, he would leave me where I am ultimately destined.
I am not there yet, and I certainly cannot figure out how to explain this to other people. I know that Brian and Mel as well as almost every other Christian I know will argue with me about this when I open my mouth about it.
On the other hand, this news comes as a bit of a relief. If it is God who has either chosen them or not chosen them, it is up to Him to do the saving. I still have to reach out to them, but it is up to God to breathe His life into their souls. There is also a humility that comes with recognizing that I should be in Hell and to be saved at all is a miracle. It makes putting a fish on the back of my car, or a cross around my neck, or a bracelet on my arm pointless. To do so is like advertising I am part of an exclusive club. It is better for me to learn more about the character of God and allow Him to do the work. There is an immense amount of relief in this understanding.
The big thing that I wrestle with is: Why is hell so awful if we don’t have a choice whether we go there or not? I get it being awful if we have chosen to reject God or were apathetic to Him…but if there is no choice…why? To spend eternity so tormented because God did not choose them. Do people weep and gnash their teeth because they are separate from God and are feeling the full weight of that loss?
I have been talking about this for a few weeks with my friend Deanne. She has believed the above for some time, and asked me why I did not. I told her all my reasons, and knew she was thinking of me during the sermon today. She said something very important to me a few weeks ago. She pointed out that in the Old Testament; God very specifically set the Jews apart from all the other nations. In many cases, he wiped out those other nations. Much of our teaching is that the OT is allegorical for how God continues to work. SO, her point is that if God specifically set apart a group of people as His own before Jesus came, why should it not be the same now. Sacrifice was a foreshadowing of the price paid on the cross.
NOTE: It is mentioned by Jesus that Abraham was saved by his ____________ . I want to look that up to see what the reference is.
Honestly I am leaning towards what Matt has to say. Towards his teaching today that completely sets my world on end.
I know that today I felt God with me more than I have ever during a service. He was giving me chills the entire time. God brought me to the Stone. God brought me to Austin and put in my past a close friend who struggled for years with this same issue.
Those who God will save still need us to reach out to them. Our kindness in the world is still appreciated and needed. The behavior that comes with being a Christian does not change because of HOW I become saved. God is still with me – in fact, it is more of a blessing that He sent His son and cares enough to answer prayer and to help us out in time of need. Blessings become sweeter with this revelation. I did not see how special my salvation was before. I am getting glimpses now. This is enhancing my view of God instead of diminishing it as I had thought it would do.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
It has been a year and a half since I moved to Texas. I love it here. I feel like this was the place I have been meant to be. God has been working on me and in me since I got here. Not that He was not working before, but this is different. I am in a place where I have to focus on Him. He has my attention, and I am glad for that. Sometimes his idea of work is to completely demolish and rebuild from scratch. The demolition process sucks! I have to admit I am looking forward to the rebuild. I can see glimpses of where He is taking me, and I am excited to become that person.
I have taken several chances recently. One of them is not working out the way I thought, however I am happy with my life.
I don't have much else to say. I know this has been ambiguous, but I am not able to be more specific right now.
My prayer is that I will be able to learn all God has for me, and that I will let go of the things I no longer need.
In Him,
Christa
I have taken several chances recently. One of them is not working out the way I thought, however I am happy with my life.
I don't have much else to say. I know this has been ambiguous, but I am not able to be more specific right now.
My prayer is that I will be able to learn all God has for me, and that I will let go of the things I no longer need.
In Him,
Christa
Thursday, December 13, 2007
I have not yet seen "The Golden Compass," however, I have seen the myriad of emails pleading with me to boycott this movie due to the views of the author. Before I say what I think, Please feel free to check out the following article. It was written by the Minister of Children at my church. http://www.austinstone.org/current/goldencompass
A very good friend and I have been engaged in a several week long discussion about what I read, why I read it, and why I allow certain things in to my house. It has been a wonderful discussion regarding where lines are drawn, and how do we draw them. My friend is concerned about the Harry Potter books. She has not read them, and has seen only the first movie. She is concerned about bringing those in to her home as she has a very intelligent 3 year old who loves to pick up videos and put them in the DVD player. She also is cautious about bringing anything in to her home that may indicate to Satan that he is welcome into that home. My friend's mother is full blooded Japanese and has spent much of her life in that country. Worship of "spiritual" idols is rampant in that culture, and the beliefs held by her family have influenced her to be wary of items that may have spirits clinging to them. This is where our discussion became interesting. Do I believe that Satan's minions can cling to inanimate objects so they can enter our homes and cause disruption? As they are spiritual beings, do they have to cling to anything? Can they arrive in your home in other ways? What is my role as a Christian (and that of my friend as well - she is also a strong Christian) in fighting this spiritual warfare?
Yes, I do believe that spirits can enter our homes and our lives through inanimate objects, however, I also believe that they do not have to be attached to anything other than our own weaknesses. I begin to believe that my friend is more suceptable to attack in this arena because this is where she is weak. Just as I believe that other people fight a battle with sexual sin, or sin with pride...Satan will use them all to distract us from and remove us from God.
On the other hand, I also believe that God can and will help us fight any temptation we are given. He knows much better than we do how to fight spiritual warfare. He has been doing it much longer than we have. God does not ask us to fight with Satan. He asks us to have faith in HIm and He will deliver us (both in salvation, and as we live our lives).
Do I think that praying over a home will protect it for ever from evil spirits enterring and causing problems? No. Does prayer help? Absolutely. There must be some kind of balance in life. Do we cut off all things in our lives that are not directly of God? No...because then we would be cutting ourselves off from the unsaved. What is the point in that? God asks us to be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves. He wants us to be among the unsaved. He wants us to reach out to them. I think that means that people will be in our homes, in our environments and they will bring things with them that we would not normally let in our lives. How do we combat that? With love.
At the end of our conversation, we agreed to pray for each other, and to protect each other in the areas we know are weaknesses for us.
I apply this to "The Golden Compass" as well. I agree with everything written in the article above. I also want to say that he says it in a much more eloquent manner than I can myself.
Christa
A very good friend and I have been engaged in a several week long discussion about what I read, why I read it, and why I allow certain things in to my house. It has been a wonderful discussion regarding where lines are drawn, and how do we draw them. My friend is concerned about the Harry Potter books. She has not read them, and has seen only the first movie. She is concerned about bringing those in to her home as she has a very intelligent 3 year old who loves to pick up videos and put them in the DVD player. She also is cautious about bringing anything in to her home that may indicate to Satan that he is welcome into that home. My friend's mother is full blooded Japanese and has spent much of her life in that country. Worship of "spiritual" idols is rampant in that culture, and the beliefs held by her family have influenced her to be wary of items that may have spirits clinging to them. This is where our discussion became interesting. Do I believe that Satan's minions can cling to inanimate objects so they can enter our homes and cause disruption? As they are spiritual beings, do they have to cling to anything? Can they arrive in your home in other ways? What is my role as a Christian (and that of my friend as well - she is also a strong Christian) in fighting this spiritual warfare?
Yes, I do believe that spirits can enter our homes and our lives through inanimate objects, however, I also believe that they do not have to be attached to anything other than our own weaknesses. I begin to believe that my friend is more suceptable to attack in this arena because this is where she is weak. Just as I believe that other people fight a battle with sexual sin, or sin with pride...Satan will use them all to distract us from and remove us from God.
On the other hand, I also believe that God can and will help us fight any temptation we are given. He knows much better than we do how to fight spiritual warfare. He has been doing it much longer than we have. God does not ask us to fight with Satan. He asks us to have faith in HIm and He will deliver us (both in salvation, and as we live our lives).
Do I think that praying over a home will protect it for ever from evil spirits enterring and causing problems? No. Does prayer help? Absolutely. There must be some kind of balance in life. Do we cut off all things in our lives that are not directly of God? No...because then we would be cutting ourselves off from the unsaved. What is the point in that? God asks us to be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves. He wants us to be among the unsaved. He wants us to reach out to them. I think that means that people will be in our homes, in our environments and they will bring things with them that we would not normally let in our lives. How do we combat that? With love.
At the end of our conversation, we agreed to pray for each other, and to protect each other in the areas we know are weaknesses for us.
I apply this to "The Golden Compass" as well. I agree with everything written in the article above. I also want to say that he says it in a much more eloquent manner than I can myself.
Christa
Monday, October 29, 2007
You know that you are on the right track when Satan comes on the attack. He sure did this weekend. I was SO beaten up that when it came time to spend time with God, I was distracted and felt distanced from God. I know He was right there...I was having a hard time letting go of me.
On the way home, I began to think about what the issue was today. I wanted to work it all out so that I do not have to spend another Sunday worship service like that one. I pulled out my journal and as I began to write, I realized that Satan had been lying to me all day long. I typed out a list of about 15 lies (and there may have been more) that had been whispered in my ear all day long. All the lies were in conflict with who I think I am, and who GOd knows I am...but affected me just the same. I would like to be better at identifying the enemy's attacks when they are happening so that I can ask for prayer from fellow brothers or sisters and get the attackers to leave!
The good news is that I ended the journaling session with a list of things that God had done for me that day. I know I missed some, but writing out what I could think of at that moment was a balm on my spirit. Somehow those things calmed me and helped ease the upset I had inside.
I need to remember that over the next few weeks and months as I start building my business full time. I am still scared, but I need to make this work. It is either do, or lose everything.
I choose not to lose!!!
On the way home, I began to think about what the issue was today. I wanted to work it all out so that I do not have to spend another Sunday worship service like that one. I pulled out my journal and as I began to write, I realized that Satan had been lying to me all day long. I typed out a list of about 15 lies (and there may have been more) that had been whispered in my ear all day long. All the lies were in conflict with who I think I am, and who GOd knows I am...but affected me just the same. I would like to be better at identifying the enemy's attacks when they are happening so that I can ask for prayer from fellow brothers or sisters and get the attackers to leave!
The good news is that I ended the journaling session with a list of things that God had done for me that day. I know I missed some, but writing out what I could think of at that moment was a balm on my spirit. Somehow those things calmed me and helped ease the upset I had inside.
I need to remember that over the next few weeks and months as I start building my business full time. I am still scared, but I need to make this work. It is either do, or lose everything.
I choose not to lose!!!
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
The first line (all credit to Laura... who wrote Indescribable) of this song makes me think about the beauty of rugged mountains, or the raw beauty of the desert. I contrast that with the soft light found in deep water. THe deepest water is pitch dark and holds creatures we will be able to see (I assume) when we get to heaven. It holds mysteries we cannot even fathom (much like a woman does!).
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
If God knows the names of the stars, how much more would he know my name when I was created by Him to choose to worship Him.
Have you been brought to your knees in worship lately? Have you sobbed because of the awesomeness of God? It is interesting to be in that place. You ARE amazing God!
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
"You see the depths of my heart, and You love me the same"
Wow. I know what is on the surface of my heart and sometimes that is bad enough.
How much do I love my God? Enough to want to love Him more and enough to let Him teach me how much He loves me. To become vulnerable to Him, to open myself up to let go of those things I hold on to for security that are not of Him. To become openly, absolutely dependent upon the God I love. To learn how to live in His glory, His plan and with His strength and love for all His creation.
Wow...that is a big calling. I pray God will help me to continue learning how to become the above person. I am closer than I was, but have a ways to go in completing my journey.
Christa
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
The first line (all credit to Laura... who wrote Indescribable) of this song makes me think about the beauty of rugged mountains, or the raw beauty of the desert. I contrast that with the soft light found in deep water. THe deepest water is pitch dark and holds creatures we will be able to see (I assume) when we get to heaven. It holds mysteries we cannot even fathom (much like a woman does!).
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
If God knows the names of the stars, how much more would he know my name when I was created by Him to choose to worship Him.
Have you been brought to your knees in worship lately? Have you sobbed because of the awesomeness of God? It is interesting to be in that place. You ARE amazing God!
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
"You see the depths of my heart, and You love me the same"
Wow. I know what is on the surface of my heart and sometimes that is bad enough.
How much do I love my God? Enough to want to love Him more and enough to let Him teach me how much He loves me. To become vulnerable to Him, to open myself up to let go of those things I hold on to for security that are not of Him. To become openly, absolutely dependent upon the God I love. To learn how to live in His glory, His plan and with His strength and love for all His creation.
Wow...that is a big calling. I pray God will help me to continue learning how to become the above person. I am closer than I was, but have a ways to go in completing my journey.
Christa
Friday, October 19, 2007
Currently I am reading "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge.
I am touched by how much my heart is responding to the words and encouragement found in the first chapter. The whole point of the book is that God created us to be Male and Female, each with our own strengths. Many books, Christian and Non-Christian, encourage women to adopt masculine traits and ignore those that make us who we are as women. There is a reason we like the romantic movies where women are loving and are rescued by the man. We love being told we are beautiful, and we like to know we are relied upon.
I just recently went through a couple of days worth of conversation where I learned a lot about things that had been hidden in my heart and about my worth to others and to God.
I got a call from someone I used to love who hurt me badly. I got over the heartbreak, and have ended up as friends with this person. The problem is that I still had some hurt and rejection burried in my heart. I did not understand that things this person did while we were in our relationship were reflections of how much he respected me, how much he revered me. I thought he was being distant and was telling me (non-verbally) that I was not worth as much to him because he did not act the same with me as he did with other women.
My affirmations:
1. I am more precious than rubies.
2. I am a daughter of God and am valuable as such.
3. I am much better than I give myself credit for.
4. I am worthy of a wonderful man to marry and spend the rest of my life with.
I am touched by how much my heart is responding to the words and encouragement found in the first chapter. The whole point of the book is that God created us to be Male and Female, each with our own strengths. Many books, Christian and Non-Christian, encourage women to adopt masculine traits and ignore those that make us who we are as women. There is a reason we like the romantic movies where women are loving and are rescued by the man. We love being told we are beautiful, and we like to know we are relied upon.
I just recently went through a couple of days worth of conversation where I learned a lot about things that had been hidden in my heart and about my worth to others and to God.
I got a call from someone I used to love who hurt me badly. I got over the heartbreak, and have ended up as friends with this person. The problem is that I still had some hurt and rejection burried in my heart. I did not understand that things this person did while we were in our relationship were reflections of how much he respected me, how much he revered me. I thought he was being distant and was telling me (non-verbally) that I was not worth as much to him because he did not act the same with me as he did with other women.
My affirmations:
1. I am more precious than rubies.
2. I am a daughter of God and am valuable as such.
3. I am much better than I give myself credit for.
4. I am worthy of a wonderful man to marry and spend the rest of my life with.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
I can't believe how fast this year is going!
I have signed another lease with my roommate. We are signing from NOvember 2007 to November 2008. I honestly don't think I will be there the entire year and the charge for breaking the lease is not that bad.
Mom and dad are still in the process of their divorce. It is still difficult for all involved. As much as PJ and I don't want to be, we are. It is not as traumatic as it was when I was 8, but it is sad. As I look forward in my life, I would like to be married some day. I want to have kids and such - what I do not want is what my parents had. Matt nailed it right on the head with his marriage series. I want my relationship with my husband to reflect the relationship GOd has with us. I want to be an image bearer. I want that relationship to bless God, which in turn will bless us.
I am excited about my business. I love helping people. I pray all the time that God would help me get through this initial time of struggle. I know that I can help people. I know that I can do everything it takes to help others. I have the desire, and will soon have the licenses to do so.
I know that people out there are drowning. I know that God wants to help them. I just need to get off my duff and work. It is my lack of initiative that has been holding me back. I have been helping a few clients here and there, but I want there to be more. I want there to be so many that I have to quite progressive so that I can help them all.
I have to go now...much earlier than I thought.
Have a good night y'all!
Christa
I have signed another lease with my roommate. We are signing from NOvember 2007 to November 2008. I honestly don't think I will be there the entire year and the charge for breaking the lease is not that bad.
Mom and dad are still in the process of their divorce. It is still difficult for all involved. As much as PJ and I don't want to be, we are. It is not as traumatic as it was when I was 8, but it is sad. As I look forward in my life, I would like to be married some day. I want to have kids and such - what I do not want is what my parents had. Matt nailed it right on the head with his marriage series. I want my relationship with my husband to reflect the relationship GOd has with us. I want to be an image bearer. I want that relationship to bless God, which in turn will bless us.
I am excited about my business. I love helping people. I pray all the time that God would help me get through this initial time of struggle. I know that I can help people. I know that I can do everything it takes to help others. I have the desire, and will soon have the licenses to do so.
I know that people out there are drowning. I know that God wants to help them. I just need to get off my duff and work. It is my lack of initiative that has been holding me back. I have been helping a few clients here and there, but I want there to be more. I want there to be so many that I have to quite progressive so that I can help them all.
I have to go now...much earlier than I thought.
Have a good night y'all!
Christa
Friday, August 24, 2007
I just realized that it has been 9 months since I have enterred anything into my blog!
Let me catch you up on a few things that have happened:
1. I have discovered (through an overnight stay in the hospital) that my anemia is pretty bad. Thankfully it is fixable and I will be fine. It is just going to take a little time.
2. James passed away right before Thanksgiving last year. I still miss him.
3. My maternal grandmother passed away on March 13th. I went to Ohio for the funeral and to support mom. I ended up helping her clean out Grandma's room and take things to goodwill.
4. I have reached my 1 year anniversary in Texas. Wow. It really does feel like home!
5. I no longer work with the 2 year olds. I hope someday to get back to working with them.
6. I still sing in the KidStuff band. I like it better. I have even found that I am making up motions as I drive down the road listening to music. **Wow, I really am nuts!**
So that about sums it up.
Let me catch you up on a few things that have happened:
1. I have discovered (through an overnight stay in the hospital) that my anemia is pretty bad. Thankfully it is fixable and I will be fine. It is just going to take a little time.
2. James passed away right before Thanksgiving last year. I still miss him.
3. My maternal grandmother passed away on March 13th. I went to Ohio for the funeral and to support mom. I ended up helping her clean out Grandma's room and take things to goodwill.
4. I have reached my 1 year anniversary in Texas. Wow. It really does feel like home!
5. I no longer work with the 2 year olds. I hope someday to get back to working with them.
6. I still sing in the KidStuff band. I like it better. I have even found that I am making up motions as I drive down the road listening to music. **Wow, I really am nuts!**
So that about sums it up.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Some of this will be a repeat of the last post, however, I hope to build upon it as I am discovering my new foundation.
1. My new ministry seems to be with children, and not with music...At least not much music. I am continuing my work with the 2 year olds, but that has expanded. Last week, I lead the teaching time and worship for the 2-6 year olds. I feel good about it, and I had a blast. It was great to see them participating, especially the 2 year olds. They were so sweet! They all sang with me, and it was evident that God was speaking through me. I hope that he will continue to do so. :)
2. I am a bit disappointed, but am determined to let God work here. Adam (the leader of the Kid's Rock band that I was supposed to be a part of) spoke with me and said that he does not see a place for me in the band. At least not a full time part. When I was told that he wanted to get the group cohesive before adding me, I wondered if that would happen. I am excited that I am working in the production area on soundboard. Last week was a bit rough, but was not bad. I will not make the same mistakes again. I think I will make my own tracking sheet for this so that I can keep track of what is going on.
3. Celeste and I are part of a group that is doing our own version of "The Biggest Loser." I am making improvements weekly, and hope that I will soon see my weight dip below 300 for the first time in quite a while. We are currently working on removing sugar from our diet. That is quite difficult. She suspects that my system is overly alkaline, I suspect the opposite. I have some symptoms of both. Currently I am trying to check my pH using Litmus strips. We shall see!
4. My relationship with God is different, and yet frustratingly the same. I want to be reading more, but find that my time is limited. I have to be more disciplined, that has always been a shortcoming of mine, and it is proving to be a frustration now.
I begin to ponder what love is like and if I will ever find a person to truly love. Do I care for myself enough to expand that to someone else? I am working on it. :) I like myself better than I ever have in the past. I feel a peace that I have never felt before (this is a result of the conference last weekend), and I hope that I will be able to use this time as a new foundation for who I will become.
I am curious what God has for me and how these new directions will change me going forward. I hope that I will continue to grow in HIm and that I can somehow get rid of the things in my life that hinder my service of God. This will all take time, and my patience (though growing greatly) is still pushed and I wish things could happen faster.
We shall see where this goes.
Kyeta
1. My new ministry seems to be with children, and not with music...At least not much music. I am continuing my work with the 2 year olds, but that has expanded. Last week, I lead the teaching time and worship for the 2-6 year olds. I feel good about it, and I had a blast. It was great to see them participating, especially the 2 year olds. They were so sweet! They all sang with me, and it was evident that God was speaking through me. I hope that he will continue to do so. :)
2. I am a bit disappointed, but am determined to let God work here. Adam (the leader of the Kid's Rock band that I was supposed to be a part of) spoke with me and said that he does not see a place for me in the band. At least not a full time part. When I was told that he wanted to get the group cohesive before adding me, I wondered if that would happen. I am excited that I am working in the production area on soundboard. Last week was a bit rough, but was not bad. I will not make the same mistakes again. I think I will make my own tracking sheet for this so that I can keep track of what is going on.
3. Celeste and I are part of a group that is doing our own version of "The Biggest Loser." I am making improvements weekly, and hope that I will soon see my weight dip below 300 for the first time in quite a while. We are currently working on removing sugar from our diet. That is quite difficult. She suspects that my system is overly alkaline, I suspect the opposite. I have some symptoms of both. Currently I am trying to check my pH using Litmus strips. We shall see!
4. My relationship with God is different, and yet frustratingly the same. I want to be reading more, but find that my time is limited. I have to be more disciplined, that has always been a shortcoming of mine, and it is proving to be a frustration now.
I begin to ponder what love is like and if I will ever find a person to truly love. Do I care for myself enough to expand that to someone else? I am working on it. :) I like myself better than I ever have in the past. I feel a peace that I have never felt before (this is a result of the conference last weekend), and I hope that I will be able to use this time as a new foundation for who I will become.
I am curious what God has for me and how these new directions will change me going forward. I hope that I will continue to grow in HIm and that I can somehow get rid of the things in my life that hinder my service of God. This will all take time, and my patience (though growing greatly) is still pushed and I wish things could happen faster.
We shall see where this goes.
Kyeta
Saturday, October 07, 2006
KABOOM!!!
That sound you just heard was of my mind exploding.
I have been in Austin for 3 months, and it seems that God is set against my keeping anything recognizable in my life. THank God! Even my ministry has changed.
This weekend I am attending the National Youth workers convention. I cannot explain all that God has already done for me here. It seems that every time someone prays for me, they are saying the things that are exactly relevant to what I have been struggling with inside. I have cried 14 times already (ok 2 of those were at home) and one of them was a doozie. God has opened my heart and is changing my mind as I attend this seemingly innocuous conference. God has already broken me down and released things I have been fighting with for a long time.
I feel as if I have been around these people for years, and the conference started 2 days ago for me. If I was "whelmed" before (is whelmed a word? Overwhelmed is...) I am overwhelmed with God. His presence has been more real to me here than it has ever been before in my life. I am eternally greatful. I realize that this mountaintop experience cannot stay, but I hope to learn how to worship our Father in the valleys.
Someone in my Critical Concerns course said "Have you ever looked at the mountaintops? THey are bare. Look now into the valleys, they are green and lush. This is because things grow in the valley." So the hardest times produce the most growth. I have heard that for a long time, but I don't think I have ever heard so clear an example.
Praise be to God my father,
may I continue to worship Him and learn from HIm daily..
Christa
That sound you just heard was of my mind exploding.
I have been in Austin for 3 months, and it seems that God is set against my keeping anything recognizable in my life. THank God! Even my ministry has changed.
This weekend I am attending the National Youth workers convention. I cannot explain all that God has already done for me here. It seems that every time someone prays for me, they are saying the things that are exactly relevant to what I have been struggling with inside. I have cried 14 times already (ok 2 of those were at home) and one of them was a doozie. God has opened my heart and is changing my mind as I attend this seemingly innocuous conference. God has already broken me down and released things I have been fighting with for a long time.
I feel as if I have been around these people for years, and the conference started 2 days ago for me. If I was "whelmed" before (is whelmed a word? Overwhelmed is...) I am overwhelmed with God. His presence has been more real to me here than it has ever been before in my life. I am eternally greatful. I realize that this mountaintop experience cannot stay, but I hope to learn how to worship our Father in the valleys.
Someone in my Critical Concerns course said "Have you ever looked at the mountaintops? THey are bare. Look now into the valleys, they are green and lush. This is because things grow in the valley." So the hardest times produce the most growth. I have heard that for a long time, but I don't think I have ever heard so clear an example.
Praise be to God my father,
may I continue to worship Him and learn from HIm daily..
Christa
Sunday, May 14, 2006
Six weeks and counting...
I am packing up my stuff - very slowly - and getting ready to leave.
Ok...the packing has not happened beyond the first week, I do have some very good reasons however and intend to begin the packing process again tomorrow.
I am more concerned about me. Robert has been helping me with some of my personal and interpersonal issues. The stuff that we went through when I moved in was easy compared to this. Now we are hitting the heart of what is not functioning well with me. This is now the hard part. I am fighting it, and I don't want to be! That is the frustrating thing! I want to get better, I want to get past the blocks in my brain but seem to be stumbling against my best intentions.
I am packing up my stuff - very slowly - and getting ready to leave.
Ok...the packing has not happened beyond the first week, I do have some very good reasons however and intend to begin the packing process again tomorrow.
I am more concerned about me. Robert has been helping me with some of my personal and interpersonal issues. The stuff that we went through when I moved in was easy compared to this. Now we are hitting the heart of what is not functioning well with me. This is now the hard part. I am fighting it, and I don't want to be! That is the frustrating thing! I want to get better, I want to get past the blocks in my brain but seem to be stumbling against my best intentions.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Ok, so here's the deal. (or at least a small part of it)
Currently I weigh 310 pounds. (EEEEEK!!!) I hate writing this down, but I feel that this is part of the purging process. When I was in high school, I fluxuated between 175 and 185 (I weighed less during marching season). At that time my mental image of myself was that of a cow. Literally. The mental image I had of me is the one that now exists on my frame. Nothing like self-fulfilled prophesy.
Countless times in the past 14 years, I have tried to get rid of the weight. SOmething in my brain keeps me from doing that. I seem to get started well, and then about 10 days in, I begin sabotaging myself. I somehow think that it is ok to sneak in the Oreos, or the Snickers bar. How the hell is that ok? It is not! I do not like my body right now, but I am more comfortable in it than I have ever been. My roommate is a big part of that. He has helped me to be comfortable with me. :) I will love him forever for that!
So, the next question is, what am I going to do about this? Well, today I started a 3 day fast. I have only ever done one day before. Three is going to be difficult, but I want to let God know that I am serious about this food issue. It has controlled me in the past, and now, I want God to help me control myself. This is about fixing myself for good. Getting rid of the extra 170 pounds I am carrying around and have the ability to do things that everyone else does. I want to look in a mirror and be proud of what I have accomplished. At 2lb per week, that would be 85 weeks. This means I will be losing weight for the next 20 months or so. That date is December 2007.
December 2007.
Happy new year to me!!! :)
Happy new me. Yeah, that is it. Happy New ME.
I hope that I can get below 290 before I move to Austin, but I am not so sure about that. That is 20lb away...and three months. Ok. SO it is possible. I will do it. In fact...I would love to lose 25 before I leave. That is a really good goal. that takes me to 285 and I will be back in 24's again.
A small start, but more than 10% of what I want to lose...so not bad either.
Christa
Currently I weigh 310 pounds. (EEEEEK!!!) I hate writing this down, but I feel that this is part of the purging process. When I was in high school, I fluxuated between 175 and 185 (I weighed less during marching season). At that time my mental image of myself was that of a cow. Literally. The mental image I had of me is the one that now exists on my frame. Nothing like self-fulfilled prophesy.
Countless times in the past 14 years, I have tried to get rid of the weight. SOmething in my brain keeps me from doing that. I seem to get started well, and then about 10 days in, I begin sabotaging myself. I somehow think that it is ok to sneak in the Oreos, or the Snickers bar. How the hell is that ok? It is not! I do not like my body right now, but I am more comfortable in it than I have ever been. My roommate is a big part of that. He has helped me to be comfortable with me. :) I will love him forever for that!
So, the next question is, what am I going to do about this? Well, today I started a 3 day fast. I have only ever done one day before. Three is going to be difficult, but I want to let God know that I am serious about this food issue. It has controlled me in the past, and now, I want God to help me control myself. This is about fixing myself for good. Getting rid of the extra 170 pounds I am carrying around and have the ability to do things that everyone else does. I want to look in a mirror and be proud of what I have accomplished. At 2lb per week, that would be 85 weeks. This means I will be losing weight for the next 20 months or so. That date is December 2007.
December 2007.
Happy new year to me!!! :)
Happy new me. Yeah, that is it. Happy New ME.
I hope that I can get below 290 before I move to Austin, but I am not so sure about that. That is 20lb away...and three months. Ok. SO it is possible. I will do it. In fact...I would love to lose 25 before I leave. That is a really good goal. that takes me to 285 and I will be back in 24's again.
A small start, but more than 10% of what I want to lose...so not bad either.
Christa
Monday, March 20, 2006
In Memory of Kyra
I am not sure I should be writing this now, but I feel the need to express.
I now understand what it is to lose someone to a drunk driver. Losing someone is hard. Losing them in a tragic accident is worse. It compounds when that person is a child. Kyra lived 9 years on this earth. She lived each day to its fullest and spent her words with abandon to anyone who would listen. She was bubbly and intelligent. She loved people.
Kyra's grandmother (who was driving) and her six year old brother came through the accident with lacerations and some road rash. Physically they will be fine. Emotionally...that is to be seen. Micki has strong faith in God, and He has already shown signs of carrying her through this.
I have compassion for the man who hit them. In no way am I condoning what he did, however, I cannot imagine being in his shoes. He has killed a child and now has to live with that for the rest of his life. I do not imagine him as some monster, as some horrible person because I am sure he did not set out that night to do what he did. I imagine that he is an average guy who got drunk for some reason and now has to face this.
I hardly know what to say to Micki. My prayers go up for her (and the rest of the family) consistantly.
I am tired. I do not know what else to sayhere. I am grieving and life has to go on. I know that is why I am tired. I went to work today and tried to pretend that nothing is going on.
me.
I am not sure I should be writing this now, but I feel the need to express.
I now understand what it is to lose someone to a drunk driver. Losing someone is hard. Losing them in a tragic accident is worse. It compounds when that person is a child. Kyra lived 9 years on this earth. She lived each day to its fullest and spent her words with abandon to anyone who would listen. She was bubbly and intelligent. She loved people.
Kyra's grandmother (who was driving) and her six year old brother came through the accident with lacerations and some road rash. Physically they will be fine. Emotionally...that is to be seen. Micki has strong faith in God, and He has already shown signs of carrying her through this.
I have compassion for the man who hit them. In no way am I condoning what he did, however, I cannot imagine being in his shoes. He has killed a child and now has to live with that for the rest of his life. I do not imagine him as some monster, as some horrible person because I am sure he did not set out that night to do what he did. I imagine that he is an average guy who got drunk for some reason and now has to face this.
I hardly know what to say to Micki. My prayers go up for her (and the rest of the family) consistantly.
I am tired. I do not know what else to sayhere. I am grieving and life has to go on. I know that is why I am tired. I went to work today and tried to pretend that nothing is going on.
me.
Friday, March 17, 2006
Moving to Austin, Texas.
My life has never been about things remaining stagnant - no matter how much I may wish that were the case. I was born in Germany to a military man and his wife. The next 15 years, I lived in England, North Dakota, Michigan, New York, Ohio, and finally settled in Arizona. When we moved here I told my parents that I would not be staying. Now is the time.
About 7 years ago I met Chris Tomlin at Arizona State University. He was touring with the Passion movement Promoting a large meeting in Colorado. I remember enjoying his voice and what he had to say, but he did not stick in my mind until later. The Passion movement, however, did stick with me and has been in my prayers ever since.
7 years ago, I was a baby Christian. I had been saved for 3 years, but I had little exposure to God and to God's people. I did not understand what my faith was all about. God lead me to a church where I was able to learn, grow and discover the beginnings of who I am in Christ. After a few years, I was prompted by the Spirit to move to another church. Through that church and the worship leader there, I discovered my love of recording music. I enjoy everything about it - including the editing process - and that is saying something! I have grown stronger and more knowledgable in my faith, but I am constantly reminded that I still have much to learn. For that I am greatful.
Back to the Passion story.
I then became interested in a group called Watermark. Kristie Knockles voice is absolutely amazing and God used her to speak to me as an artist. She worked with the movement as well, and that becomes important as my story progresses. During this time, I am still praying for the movement and for the lives of the college students who are blessed to be at the functions. I am thrilled that avenue exists. I had been working on my voice and started recording a CD.
Also during this time, I developed a strong admiration for Chris Tomlin. His music connects with me in a powerful way. I will admit that for a while I had a bit of a crush on him...I have to admit that because anyone who knows me will spill the beans! I read his book and became more interested in who he is and more interested in his ministry - which feeds right back to Passion.
October 2004, Chris came to town with Casting Crowns and Stephen Curtis Chapman. The concert was held at the Glendale Arena, and there were between 6-8000 people there that night. The week before the concert, I found myself daydreaming about meeting up with Chris again - if just to be able to tell him how much his ministry means to me. The reality part of my realized that it was so far fetched that I was not even going to think about it. I did not even pray for that to happen - I wanted God to work and for me to remain calm and focus on God.
The concert was amazing. Chris's time of worship blew me away. At one point I was completely in worship, my eyes were closed, my hands in the air. Something prompted me to look at the stage. Chris was on his knees with his hands in the air. The power of that motion hit me like a brick. I was humbled and awed by his humility. The other artists were great as well, but nothing hit me quite like that one moment.
At the end of the concert, Stephen invited anyone who needed prayer to come forward to a prayer partner. I felt lead to go. I argued the Spirit and was prompted again. I went. The time of prayer was a turning point in my life. During the time I spent with that wonderful woman, we were moved twice. The second was after we had finished our prayer. We were told that we were blocking the Star's dressing room, and they wanted to go to their bus. OOOPS! We asked for our apologies to be conveyed, and we were told that they had been praying for us. Wow.
Wow.
We were told to exit the arena through a set of double doors. Behind door #2, I found Chris Tomlin. I was tearstained and shaky, but more grounded than I had been in a long time. I did not want him to notice, infact I tried the jedi mind trick (you see nothing of interest here...) but it did not work. He asked if I was ok and if there was anything he could pray for. I told him yes, I am ok now, and general prayer because it was a bit personal. We spoke about several things that night, about 20 min of conversation. He was gracious. After telling him about our previous meeting, he remembered that he had given me one of his first CD's. I was surprised.
I left in awe that God had given me the desire of my heart and if I had tried to make it happen, it would not have. There was no way for me to have manufactured that meeting.
So I wondered what God was doing, and why I was allowed to experience this. There were (and are) several things I could think of. So I decided to file the information and let God continue to work. I was not going to worry about it.
A few more months go by and I am at another Christian music concert. This one was a mini-festival with many artists. One of which was Watermark. During Toby Mac's performance, I went to the bathroom and met Kristie Knockles in the bathroom. We spoke briefly about making CD's and about her children. I then left.
I was now wondering if both of these events were connected. I was pretty sure they were. So when I got back to my friends (in the lawn seating) I laid on the ground and prayed. It was awesome. I asked God what was going on and for guidance. I was prompted to take a trip to Austin in August of 2005.
I went and met Celeste. She is a good friend now and will be instrumental in my living situation there in Texas. I did not feel lead to move at that time and continued asking God for his answer. His answer until about a week and a half ago was "just wait." Through another series of events, which is a huge story as well, God has said "go." and I am.
I am excited and just about 2% fearful of moving to a new city. :)
Austin Texas, here I come... Are you ready for me????
Christa
My life has never been about things remaining stagnant - no matter how much I may wish that were the case. I was born in Germany to a military man and his wife. The next 15 years, I lived in England, North Dakota, Michigan, New York, Ohio, and finally settled in Arizona. When we moved here I told my parents that I would not be staying. Now is the time.
About 7 years ago I met Chris Tomlin at Arizona State University. He was touring with the Passion movement Promoting a large meeting in Colorado. I remember enjoying his voice and what he had to say, but he did not stick in my mind until later. The Passion movement, however, did stick with me and has been in my prayers ever since.
7 years ago, I was a baby Christian. I had been saved for 3 years, but I had little exposure to God and to God's people. I did not understand what my faith was all about. God lead me to a church where I was able to learn, grow and discover the beginnings of who I am in Christ. After a few years, I was prompted by the Spirit to move to another church. Through that church and the worship leader there, I discovered my love of recording music. I enjoy everything about it - including the editing process - and that is saying something! I have grown stronger and more knowledgable in my faith, but I am constantly reminded that I still have much to learn. For that I am greatful.
Back to the Passion story.
I then became interested in a group called Watermark. Kristie Knockles voice is absolutely amazing and God used her to speak to me as an artist. She worked with the movement as well, and that becomes important as my story progresses. During this time, I am still praying for the movement and for the lives of the college students who are blessed to be at the functions. I am thrilled that avenue exists. I had been working on my voice and started recording a CD.
Also during this time, I developed a strong admiration for Chris Tomlin. His music connects with me in a powerful way. I will admit that for a while I had a bit of a crush on him...I have to admit that because anyone who knows me will spill the beans! I read his book and became more interested in who he is and more interested in his ministry - which feeds right back to Passion.
October 2004, Chris came to town with Casting Crowns and Stephen Curtis Chapman. The concert was held at the Glendale Arena, and there were between 6-8000 people there that night. The week before the concert, I found myself daydreaming about meeting up with Chris again - if just to be able to tell him how much his ministry means to me. The reality part of my realized that it was so far fetched that I was not even going to think about it. I did not even pray for that to happen - I wanted God to work and for me to remain calm and focus on God.
The concert was amazing. Chris's time of worship blew me away. At one point I was completely in worship, my eyes were closed, my hands in the air. Something prompted me to look at the stage. Chris was on his knees with his hands in the air. The power of that motion hit me like a brick. I was humbled and awed by his humility. The other artists were great as well, but nothing hit me quite like that one moment.
At the end of the concert, Stephen invited anyone who needed prayer to come forward to a prayer partner. I felt lead to go. I argued the Spirit and was prompted again. I went. The time of prayer was a turning point in my life. During the time I spent with that wonderful woman, we were moved twice. The second was after we had finished our prayer. We were told that we were blocking the Star's dressing room, and they wanted to go to their bus. OOOPS! We asked for our apologies to be conveyed, and we were told that they had been praying for us. Wow.
Wow.
We were told to exit the arena through a set of double doors. Behind door #2, I found Chris Tomlin. I was tearstained and shaky, but more grounded than I had been in a long time. I did not want him to notice, infact I tried the jedi mind trick (you see nothing of interest here...) but it did not work. He asked if I was ok and if there was anything he could pray for. I told him yes, I am ok now, and general prayer because it was a bit personal. We spoke about several things that night, about 20 min of conversation. He was gracious. After telling him about our previous meeting, he remembered that he had given me one of his first CD's. I was surprised.
I left in awe that God had given me the desire of my heart and if I had tried to make it happen, it would not have. There was no way for me to have manufactured that meeting.
So I wondered what God was doing, and why I was allowed to experience this. There were (and are) several things I could think of. So I decided to file the information and let God continue to work. I was not going to worry about it.
A few more months go by and I am at another Christian music concert. This one was a mini-festival with many artists. One of which was Watermark. During Toby Mac's performance, I went to the bathroom and met Kristie Knockles in the bathroom. We spoke briefly about making CD's and about her children. I then left.
I was now wondering if both of these events were connected. I was pretty sure they were. So when I got back to my friends (in the lawn seating) I laid on the ground and prayed. It was awesome. I asked God what was going on and for guidance. I was prompted to take a trip to Austin in August of 2005.
I went and met Celeste. She is a good friend now and will be instrumental in my living situation there in Texas. I did not feel lead to move at that time and continued asking God for his answer. His answer until about a week and a half ago was "just wait." Through another series of events, which is a huge story as well, God has said "go." and I am.
I am excited and just about 2% fearful of moving to a new city. :)
Austin Texas, here I come... Are you ready for me????
Christa
Thursday, February 02, 2006
My favorite blog: http://www.ctomlin.blogspot.com/
Check out the pictures of Chris's new dog, Lucky!
In other news, I have been dealing with a question that my roommate brought up. The essense of the question is about sex before marriage. I have been doing some extensive searching and have not found a specific instruction saying not to have sex before marriage. It speaks about lustful behavior, and there are references to God celebrating virginity in heaven - which I think speaks volumes, but nothing clear cut.
I have prayed about it, and the answer I got is that it has to do with the commitment to God. Do not have sex outside of marriage because you have not yet made the commitment to God. Otherwise the whole thing breaks down. If there is a difference between having sex while in love with someone besides it just being about lust, then why do we have marriage? What is the point if something God gave us as a gift can be used outside that commitment to God? If two people think they love one another, really think it, and have sex and then do not get married - is that wrong? Yes. If engagement is the key, why does God not talk about engagement - he does with Mary and Joseph, but it is also implied that there could be horrible consequences if Joseph were to leave Mary. It refers to it as a divorce - showing that engagement in that culture means something different than it does in ours. In our culture, engagements come and go (so do marriages...but that is another topic) they are not the strong commitment they were in Jesus day.
So again, is it ok to have sex before marriage? God says not to commit adultary. Adultary is defined as a married man or woman having sex with an unmarried partner. Both can be guilty of adultary. That is a message about married and unmarried people revering the state of marriage and its importance to God. Ok. What about unmarried people? Am I reaching to say that God wants to protect the marriage bed? Should we be protecting it before we get in it?
Another key verse - "the two shall cleave together and become one flesh" from Genesis shows that marriage is more than just a commitment to God, it is a commitment to one another. I think that it also shows that when two people come together, their joining is more than just bodies, it is hearts, souls and spirits joining.
I just looked up the word cleave in the dictionary. The difinitions are as follows:
1. To split with or as if with a sharp instrument. See Synonyms at tear1.
2. To make or accomplish by or as if by cutting: cleave a path through the ice.
3. To pierce or penetrate: The wings cleaved the foggy air.
4. (Chemistry) To split (a complex molecule) into simpler molecules.
I was a bit confused for a moment - but I think the third is the clearest. To cleave foggy air, wings have to move through and change. The fog does not stay the same as the wings move through it.
Is that the clue? Do we know this is happening when someone begins to move us and leave us not changed? No, because there are many people who have been that kind of influence to me. But, I think that it can alude to us moving and making room for that person, that will change us permanently. It changes our shape, and becomes part of us. I think that is the difference. I also begin to think that sex is not the object here, it is an outward expression of what we feel for one another-a gift from our creator.
So how does this fit with the story of Lot's daughters who got their father drunk and got pregnant with him. Their children were blessed by God. Was he considered married to them? I tend to think no because he was not even aware that he was the father. The Bible does not specifically say that what these women did was wrong, but do we see any other women doing that and being applauded? No. Who's to say that God did not recognize their sin but did not choose to make that a part of the story. My roommate used that story as part of his argument. I think that it is a mistake to think that just because it is not said in that story that God was ok with the conduct of these women.
My conclusion here is that God's commands about purity are about the marriage bed. Sex is powerful and affects the soul. I think that even if we love one another, we need to honor marriage by not having sex before marriage - just in case something happens and we do not get married to that person, or the relationship. We may be acting in love - truly but we are acting outside of a commitment to God.
Christa
Thank you for letting me think that through. I know that I ramble a bit...but it is helpful to my thought processes.
Check out the pictures of Chris's new dog, Lucky!
In other news, I have been dealing with a question that my roommate brought up. The essense of the question is about sex before marriage. I have been doing some extensive searching and have not found a specific instruction saying not to have sex before marriage. It speaks about lustful behavior, and there are references to God celebrating virginity in heaven - which I think speaks volumes, but nothing clear cut.
I have prayed about it, and the answer I got is that it has to do with the commitment to God. Do not have sex outside of marriage because you have not yet made the commitment to God. Otherwise the whole thing breaks down. If there is a difference between having sex while in love with someone besides it just being about lust, then why do we have marriage? What is the point if something God gave us as a gift can be used outside that commitment to God? If two people think they love one another, really think it, and have sex and then do not get married - is that wrong? Yes. If engagement is the key, why does God not talk about engagement - he does with Mary and Joseph, but it is also implied that there could be horrible consequences if Joseph were to leave Mary. It refers to it as a divorce - showing that engagement in that culture means something different than it does in ours. In our culture, engagements come and go (so do marriages...but that is another topic) they are not the strong commitment they were in Jesus day.
So again, is it ok to have sex before marriage? God says not to commit adultary. Adultary is defined as a married man or woman having sex with an unmarried partner. Both can be guilty of adultary. That is a message about married and unmarried people revering the state of marriage and its importance to God. Ok. What about unmarried people? Am I reaching to say that God wants to protect the marriage bed? Should we be protecting it before we get in it?
Another key verse - "the two shall cleave together and become one flesh" from Genesis shows that marriage is more than just a commitment to God, it is a commitment to one another. I think that it also shows that when two people come together, their joining is more than just bodies, it is hearts, souls and spirits joining.
I just looked up the word cleave in the dictionary. The difinitions are as follows:
1. To split with or as if with a sharp instrument. See Synonyms at tear1.
2. To make or accomplish by or as if by cutting: cleave a path through the ice.
3. To pierce or penetrate: The wings cleaved the foggy air.
4. (Chemistry) To split (a complex molecule) into simpler molecules.
I was a bit confused for a moment - but I think the third is the clearest. To cleave foggy air, wings have to move through and change. The fog does not stay the same as the wings move through it.
Is that the clue? Do we know this is happening when someone begins to move us and leave us not changed? No, because there are many people who have been that kind of influence to me. But, I think that it can alude to us moving and making room for that person, that will change us permanently. It changes our shape, and becomes part of us. I think that is the difference. I also begin to think that sex is not the object here, it is an outward expression of what we feel for one another-a gift from our creator.
So how does this fit with the story of Lot's daughters who got their father drunk and got pregnant with him. Their children were blessed by God. Was he considered married to them? I tend to think no because he was not even aware that he was the father. The Bible does not specifically say that what these women did was wrong, but do we see any other women doing that and being applauded? No. Who's to say that God did not recognize their sin but did not choose to make that a part of the story. My roommate used that story as part of his argument. I think that it is a mistake to think that just because it is not said in that story that God was ok with the conduct of these women.
My conclusion here is that God's commands about purity are about the marriage bed. Sex is powerful and affects the soul. I think that even if we love one another, we need to honor marriage by not having sex before marriage - just in case something happens and we do not get married to that person, or the relationship. We may be acting in love - truly but we are acting outside of a commitment to God.
Christa
Thank you for letting me think that through. I know that I ramble a bit...but it is helpful to my thought processes.
Friday, January 13, 2006
I just wanted to post quickly - as school is taking quite a bit of my free time now - that school is going very well.
I find that I am adapting to the online classroom well, and the teacher has commented on my posts several times. All positive!
As before, I am still in my healing process and find that I am overly emotional and sensitive most times. However, knowledge of this will God to bring this to my mind as I am getting that way. I recognize the signs of healing.
Trailady commented to me that maybe God will give me my own family some day. I truely hope so. That is a desire of my heart, however I realize that He knows what will fulfill me. I am willing to accept the blessings He gives.
Things are well otherwise. I hope it is well with you too.
Christa
I find that I am adapting to the online classroom well, and the teacher has commented on my posts several times. All positive!
As before, I am still in my healing process and find that I am overly emotional and sensitive most times. However, knowledge of this will God to bring this to my mind as I am getting that way. I recognize the signs of healing.
Trailady commented to me that maybe God will give me my own family some day. I truely hope so. That is a desire of my heart, however I realize that He knows what will fulfill me. I am willing to accept the blessings He gives.
Things are well otherwise. I hope it is well with you too.
Christa
Monday, January 02, 2006
Happy New Year !
I am going to be trite and say "I can't believe it's 2006 already!"
Ok...it has been said. :) Here's to hoping I have gotten it out of my system.
I liken that comment to the "It is SOOOOO hot outside" comments in the middle of summer. For those just joining us, this becomes important because I live in the Phoenix Arizona area. Of course it is hot! I live in the desert! The average temperature during the summer is 100+ degrees. How could it not be hot?
Ok... that is out of my system too.
I had a good time new Year's Eve, and have some pretty fun pictures of the evening.
I have decided that this new year is about priorities. I have been drifting for some time - drifting personally, spiritually, and even professionally. I have been frustrated at my lack of ability to get done the things that I want to get done in all three of the previously mentioned areas. So, this year is about getting things right, and setting up a system for reevaluation so that I can make sure I am still heading in the right direction.
I do not plan to do this alone. I already have a mentor and a great roommate on my side that I believe God has blessed me with. I also have a stronger desire to go to God with what consider to be smaller issues in my life. Romans 12:1-2 is written on the mirror in my bathroom and has shown up in several places as I have been reading lately. I have a feeling both parts of that are what apply to me. The first part about offering myself up in service to God, but also and equally important is the part about the renewing of my mine. I welcome that renewal. I thank God for all He is doing daily to affect that change in me.
I am also excited about the degree program I have entered. In case I have not mentioned the actual degree here (I am sure I have, but I will say it again!), my major is a BA in Christian Studies focussing on Worship. This suits me to a T, and I cannot see it changing any time soon.
Christa
I am going to be trite and say "I can't believe it's 2006 already!"
Ok...it has been said. :) Here's to hoping I have gotten it out of my system.
I liken that comment to the "It is SOOOOO hot outside" comments in the middle of summer. For those just joining us, this becomes important because I live in the Phoenix Arizona area. Of course it is hot! I live in the desert! The average temperature during the summer is 100+ degrees. How could it not be hot?
Ok... that is out of my system too.
I had a good time new Year's Eve, and have some pretty fun pictures of the evening.
I have decided that this new year is about priorities. I have been drifting for some time - drifting personally, spiritually, and even professionally. I have been frustrated at my lack of ability to get done the things that I want to get done in all three of the previously mentioned areas. So, this year is about getting things right, and setting up a system for reevaluation so that I can make sure I am still heading in the right direction.
I do not plan to do this alone. I already have a mentor and a great roommate on my side that I believe God has blessed me with. I also have a stronger desire to go to God with what consider to be smaller issues in my life. Romans 12:1-2 is written on the mirror in my bathroom and has shown up in several places as I have been reading lately. I have a feeling both parts of that are what apply to me. The first part about offering myself up in service to God, but also and equally important is the part about the renewing of my mine. I welcome that renewal. I thank God for all He is doing daily to affect that change in me.
I am also excited about the degree program I have entered. In case I have not mentioned the actual degree here (I am sure I have, but I will say it again!), my major is a BA in Christian Studies focussing on Worship. This suits me to a T, and I cannot see it changing any time soon.
Christa
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