Currently I weigh 310 pounds. (EEEEEK!!!) I hate writing this down, but I feel that this is part of the purging process. When I was in high school, I fluxuated between 175 and 185 (I weighed less during marching season). At that time my mental image of myself was that of a cow. Literally. The mental image I had of me is the one that now exists on my frame. Nothing like self-fulfilled prophesy.
Countless times in the past 14 years, I have tried to get rid of the weight. SOmething in my brain keeps me from doing that. I seem to get started well, and then about 10 days in, I begin sabotaging myself. I somehow think that it is ok to sneak in the Oreos, or the Snickers bar. How the hell is that ok? It is not! I do not like my body right now, but I am more comfortable in it than I have ever been. My roommate is a big part of that. He has helped me to be comfortable with me. :) I will love him forever for that!
So, the next question is, what am I going to do about this? Well, today I started a 3 day fast. I have only ever done one day before. Three is going to be difficult, but I want to let God know that I am serious about this food issue. It has controlled me in the past, and now, I want God to help me control myself. This is about fixing myself for good. Getting rid of the extra 170 pounds I am carrying around and have the ability to do things that everyone else does. I want to look in a mirror and be proud of what I have accomplished. At 2lb per week, that would be 85 weeks. This means I will be losing weight for the next 20 months or so. That date is December 2007.
December 2007.
Happy new year to me!!! :)
Happy new me. Yeah, that is it. Happy New ME.
I hope that I can get below 290 before I move to Austin, but I am not so sure about that. That is 20lb away...and three months. Ok. SO it is possible. I will do it. In fact...I would love to lose 25 before I leave. That is a really good goal. that takes me to 285 and I will be back in 24's again.
A small start, but more than 10% of what I want to lose...so not bad either.
Christa
1 comment:
Hey There! I haven't dropped by your blog in a LONG time. I was just going through my archive and found one of your comments- so thought I'd stop in and say "Howdy".
I had a terrible body image growing up. I suffered with an eating disorder for 12 years. I have overcome the problem and am finding myself more comfortable in my own skin. I'm liking my 30's.
There was a lady we knew who was 380 lbs. She was 60 & miserable and had to have both knees replaced as the result of bearing so much weight for so many years. She fasted and prayed and was annointed during a prayer service. 4 years later, she is down to 160 lbs- without surgery! It's like she's a whole new person. Another guy I knew was 600lbs and sat in a chair all day. He couldn't stand up for more than 3 minutes at a time. To make a long story short, he's now down to 280. I've seen God work a miracle for many people and I believe He can do amazing things for you. :o)
Post a Comment