Happy New year! (almost)

I am working today - I am an insurance agent who works in a call center environment. We are open today so I am working. I do not mind as the calls are quick and people have been generally happy.

Last night I went and saw Wallace and Grommet with Robert, Bear, and my friend, Barbara. We laughed so hard! Gotta love Brittish humor! :) I really would like to get that when it comes out on DVD.

I have discovered as I have been working through my pain that I have a VERY difficult time understanding how much other people care for me. I am certain this also reflects the same on my relationship with God. The past year has been a year of discovery, of growth - probably the best I have had since I was saved. When I became saved, I did not have the "A-ha" moment that some people have. I did not change immediately, and I did not have the hunger for the Word that I have heard about. In fact - not much at all changed. For quite some time I wondered (when I thought about it) if indeed I was saved at all. The development of that story is for another time, however.

So, at risk of sitting here at my desk crying, the coldness of my family towards me has colored my world in shades of gray that only hinted at the broad range of color beyond. I have been looking for something for years that I am only now finding. Christ has truely been my Savior. He is saving me from this unhealthy life I have been living and is pouring His light and grace into my thirsty spirit. The more I am filled, the easier it is becoming to deal with what is left. It is not easier in the emotional sense, but in the logical sense. I know that I have to go through these things in order to help me out the rest of my life. Knowing that and seeing God's providence in my life are making this time bearable - and successful. I have to remind myself sometimes that life is different, but I know that is part of this healing process. Eventually I will not have to remind myself because I will BE different. :) I will have other things to face then. ;) The great thing about being human is that we are not perfect. I am glad to have things to work on, however, sometimes I wish that there was not so much of it to work on .

Ok...enough about me for now. I will probably write more as the purging continues!

Christa