Tuesday night I found out that a dear friend of mine passed away from complications of a stroke. He was in his 60's, and was one heck of a guy. I am happy he is with Jesus and that he no longer suffers. I am hurting for his wife and the rest of his family. I don't know how it would feel to lose my husband after 2 years. I cannot imagine how difficult that must be.
I flew to Arizona on Thursday morning to be here for the memorial service. I found out shortly after I arrived that the service will not be until after I leave. I was a bit upset until I was told the reason. The family is poor and does nto have money for the funeral. They have to raise money so that they can bury their loved one. I have no words for how this affects me.
One of the first things planned was time with the old group - everyone who knew Mikee like I did. Many of them better than I did. Tomorrow is the day.
The rest of my time has been spent with my father and brother, with my best friend, her husband and their two children (my god children), and a few other friends. I have enjoyed the time with them. I know there is a part of me that needed the balm they have given me just by being themselves. I have loved on kiddos, watched a dorky, geek movie (absolutely nothing wrong with dorky, geek movies), and have been visually revisiting my old stomping grounds.
The one thing that bothers me just a bit is that no one has asked me how I feel. No one has asked me to talk about Mikee and about the whole reason I flew out here this weekend. I can just imagine that getting into that conversation would be quite a downer when they want to spend time with me, but I am feeling a bit strange that it was not even addressed. To be fair, I feel pretty good. The fact that he is gone has not really struck me yet. I have not been able to sit and start my grieving process. I don't necessarily expect that it will be as my grief was when James died, but I expect that there are tears to shed, and memories to share.
Mikee was a kick. A warm hearted man who loved to use his comedy to bring others closer to God.
I have posted pictures of my god-sons on my Facebook page. I am thrilled to have spent some time with them. Brian and Melissa are wonderful parents. I hope I never have to finish raising these kids. More because Bri and Mel are amazing, and I want these kids to know just how amazing their parents are. I want to write them each a letter to open when they come to know the Lord. I want to think and pray on that for a while before I put pen to paper.
So the other thing that happened this weekend is that I had to have a confrontation with a friend who has been in my life for quite some time. She and I had to discuss how a chosen behavior affects me, and that I should have come to her a long time ago to talk about what was bothering me. God worked out the details, and we are fine now, but it was not at all the easiest conversation I have ever had.
Understandably, she was hurt. I wish I'd had these coping mechanisms when we started our friendship, but I did not. I see how much my words last night had to affect her. I pray that she is able to get past the hurt and see that I came to her because I love her. I want her to be the best version of herself that I can be. it was not easy, but it was definitely worth it.
The title refers to the timing of this trip. There are several completely valid reasons for the timing of this, and I don't know that I will ever understand why I needed to take this time right now. On the other hand, that's not my job. I am going to try and do everything He has for me this weekend, and see what comes out on the other end.
me
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