Saying goodbye...

So, many people don't realize this, but I'm an introvert. 
What does this mean? 
Basically it means that I regain my energy by doing things on my own.  For me, recharging happens when I can be alone... reading, thinking, playing on the internet, taking a walk, for the most part, anything I do by my self - except tasks (chores, errands, etc). 

I know, I know, if you are a typical extrovert, you are shaking your head and thinking - wow, that stuff drains me!  So, think about this... What is it that energizes you?  is it sports? parties, hanging out with people, going bowling?  Yes?  I thought so.  That is the very stuff that drains me.  Don't get me wrong, I like doing those things.  But when I get home,  I take a deep breath and spend some time with just me, because no matter how much I like you or how much fun I was having - my batteries were getting drained. 

 I like people.  I care about people.  I do best in one on one situations, or in cases where it is just a few of us. 
Now that I know how deeply ingrained this is in me, I can ask God to help me during times where I am people or task saturated.  He can help me get past my grouchiness, my lack of desire to be around everyone when I am just tanked out.  I know that he can love everyone through me, regardless of how tired I am, or what my attitude is that day. 

I am SO thankful that I don't have to rely on me to do this!  I am even more thankful that He can do this because I know He will give me words to speak.  I'm so greatful for His presence in my life! 

What does all this have to do with saying goodbye? 

Tons. 

yesterday marked 1 week until I move from Austin.  I don't think I have ever felt so sad to be leaving a place in my life.  I love Austin.  I have since I stepped off the plane the first time I visited.  There is something about this crazy, WIERD city that just does it for me.  To me there is this amazing feel to this city.  It is progressive, intellectual, a bit on the hippy (yes like the 60's) side, a little new age, and yet it is God's city.  I love it here.  It is physically beautiful.  Lots of green grass and trees all over the place.  The skyline lights me up.  I love the shapes, the lights, the different buildings.  Town Lake (Lady Bird Lake to others) reflects the skyline, and during sunset it lights up all orange.  Wow.  Stunning.  The landscape is rolling hills, roads curve around and take you in a different direction than you think they will. 
I love love love love love this place. 

Saying goodbye to everyone here is hard on several levels.  So, if I have been cranky or grumpy lately it is because I am spending a ton of time away from home, partying, chatting, praying with people - talking, playing games and in general spending no time with me.  I'm doing relatively well. 

and then there is today.  Today I am feeling SO tired!  (I'm guessing part of that is the crappy food I ate last night) but I have declared today to be a phone free, email free, facebook free zone.  I am going to get home, watch a movie, and just relax.  Ok.  maybe do some laundry... but I really need to get that done too! 

I would go to a coffee shop, but I know that I will possibly bump into someone I know.  Nope, home is safer. 

:)

God has not forgotten you...

Recently a friend of mine posted on her Facebook page:
God loves you. God loves you. God loves you. God doesn't reject you, hasn't forgotten you, isn't punishing you. God loves you.

What a great reminder. 
There have been many times when I felt lonely, left behind, forgotten - or even just getting the "left overs" when it came to God's provision and promises.  Sometimes that's because God's discipline was in place, not due to what I had done - but what it would bring me down the road.  He has held things back from me while He refined me,  changed me, grew me, and asked me to be closer to Him.  I don't fully understand how much I am loved by God, and I suspect I won't until Glory. 

However, I like to think that the struggles I face, and the challenges that are overcome are not done so through my efforts.  They are overcome when I rely on God to handle them for me.  This does not mean that I tramp through life, letting things happen.  In fact, it means the opposite.  I consider all things (ok, working on that) through Christ. I go to him with just about everything.  I ask him questions, love on Him, and over all Trust him to guide me in the way I should go. 

I have not always liked where I was led (at the time) but in retrospect, every thing He has done I have ended up understanding and appreciating. 

So that "one thing" that I wish had not happened is now a beacon of God's provision and faithfulness.  I pray that He continues to open my eyes so I may see more clearly how and where He is working. 

Approval of Man

Tuesday night I got my hair cut.  It was a drastic change.  I went from long curly hair to short straight hair.  Several people did not recognize me.  How wonderfully flattering!  It felt great getting all that attention - just because I chose to make a change on the outside. 

When I got home, I realized that the approval of others, especially a few who are close to me, was very important to me.  I wanted them to like what I had done.  Heck, most of the time I cut my hair, no one notices.  Because I always do the same old thing.  The motive behind cutting my hair was not to get attention.  Frankly, it had gotten long, and with an upcoming move to Arizona, I felt that summer hair was the way to go.  I went with something different than my norm as well.  This was more a reflection of the new, bolder me.  The one who makes choices based on what she wants, not based on a complex series of thought and pondering.  The one who wanted to try something new, even if it is more daring. 

See, even now, I am making excuses, explaining why I chose to cut this off!  Frankly, it's just hair! 

But if that's the case, why does it make me feel so much better?  It's that approval idol creeping up on me and smacking me on the back of the head. 

So this bit of rambling is just that... ramble, ramble, ramble. 

Thank you Jesus, for showing me just how much I seek that approval.  Please help me to let go of it.  Thank you!