January 27, 2008

What a day… My understanding – such that I can have – of God has irrevocably changed. I am not yet sure how to integrate this change into my life, but there seems to be some settling at the deeper levels of me. I shall back up a step or 10. J

For as long as I can remember, my word for life has been “fair.” It is how I view the world. It is how I relate to it, and how I feel about it. I know that the world is not fair, but as much as I can, I attempt to be that way myself. People know me to be that way. Everything I have learned about God up to this point has shown that to me as well. However, I have missed quite a bit. I don’t know if I deliberately skipped over it, or whether I willfully disregarded it because it flew completely in the face of what I think and feel. I am guessing it is a bit of both.

I have never been of the opinion that some people were chosen by God at the beginning of time to be His own people and others were not called and have no hope of ever attaining heaven. I have held a view of free will. Every man has the chance to choose Christ. I have believed that if we do not choose, or neglect to choose, we go where our choice leads us.

Now I am not so sure I was right.

What has not changed:
I know God is Sovereign
I know He created us
I know that God sent his son to earth to pay for Sin and true belief in Christ saves us and allows us entry to God’s presence.
God loves us, he has plans for us.

What has changed:
Per scripture (Rom 8:28, 1 Cor 1:22-24, and others) God gives us the faith to believe in Him.
He chose us from the beginning to be His people – just as He did the Jews in the Abrahamic covenant.
I used to think that if we are not free to choose Him, then we are not much more than trained monkeys or programmed computers. Now, I am not so sure.
My sin condemns me to hell, God’s purity does not allow anything impure into His presence. The fact He reaches down and saves me at all is a miracle. Focus on that will get me through this.
Per Paul (NT) I cannot understand why God does what He does. I have to be like Job and accept that I am inadequate to judge God and decide what is fair. If God were fair, he would leave me where I am ultimately destined.

I am not there yet, and I certainly cannot figure out how to explain this to other people. I know that Brian and Mel as well as almost every other Christian I know will argue with me about this when I open my mouth about it.

On the other hand, this news comes as a bit of a relief. If it is God who has either chosen them or not chosen them, it is up to Him to do the saving. I still have to reach out to them, but it is up to God to breathe His life into their souls. There is also a humility that comes with recognizing that I should be in Hell and to be saved at all is a miracle. It makes putting a fish on the back of my car, or a cross around my neck, or a bracelet on my arm pointless. To do so is like advertising I am part of an exclusive club. It is better for me to learn more about the character of God and allow Him to do the work. There is an immense amount of relief in this understanding.

The big thing that I wrestle with is: Why is hell so awful if we don’t have a choice whether we go there or not? I get it being awful if we have chosen to reject God or were apathetic to Him…but if there is no choice…why? To spend eternity so tormented because God did not choose them. Do people weep and gnash their teeth because they are separate from God and are feeling the full weight of that loss?

I have been talking about this for a few weeks with my friend Deanne. She has believed the above for some time, and asked me why I did not. I told her all my reasons, and knew she was thinking of me during the sermon today. She said something very important to me a few weeks ago. She pointed out that in the Old Testament; God very specifically set the Jews apart from all the other nations. In many cases, he wiped out those other nations. Much of our teaching is that the OT is allegorical for how God continues to work. SO, her point is that if God specifically set apart a group of people as His own before Jesus came, why should it not be the same now. Sacrifice was a foreshadowing of the price paid on the cross.

NOTE: It is mentioned by Jesus that Abraham was saved by his ____________ . I want to look that up to see what the reference is.

Honestly I am leaning towards what Matt has to say. Towards his teaching today that completely sets my world on end.

I know that today I felt God with me more than I have ever during a service. He was giving me chills the entire time. God brought me to the Stone. God brought me to Austin and put in my past a close friend who struggled for years with this same issue.

Those who God will save still need us to reach out to them. Our kindness in the world is still appreciated and needed. The behavior that comes with being a Christian does not change because of HOW I become saved. God is still with me – in fact, it is more of a blessing that He sent His son and cares enough to answer prayer and to help us out in time of need. Blessings become sweeter with this revelation. I did not see how special my salvation was before. I am getting glimpses now. This is enhancing my view of God instead of diminishing it as I had thought it would do.